Sunday, January 9, 2011

Heart of Darkness

"...all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men.  There's no initiation either into such mysteries.  He has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable.  And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him.  The fascination of the abomination--you know, imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate."

"Whether he knew of his deficiency himself I can't say.  I think the knowledge came to him at last- only at the very last.  But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion.  I think it had whispered to him things about himself which he did not know, things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with this great solitude- and the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating."

"...there is a period of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world that had no hope in it and no desire.  I found myself back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and silly dreams.  They trespassed upon my thoughts.  They were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an irritating pretense, because I felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew.  Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to comprehend.  I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces so full of stupid importance.  I daresay I was not very well at that time.  I tottered about the streets--there were various affairs to settle--grinning bitterly at perfectly respectable persons.  I admit my behaviour was inexcusable, but then my temperature was seldom normal in those days."

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