"The Past is Prologue"

I have rarely enjoyed writing.  Perceptions and experiences are awkwardly bottle-necked into the limitations of words.  The satisfaction of capturing what you meant is rare and "getting it right" is just out of reach.  I believe the best you can hope for is to catch the shadow of what you meant; to relay in people an echo.  Because when you hit something true and pure that is all you need.  People recognize when it reflects inside of them and they make their own words for it.  And really, it's better that way because then its become theirs too.  But you can't make people understand, especially if you haven't got the words for it yourself.
That is something like why I'm trying this.  Maybe not every person, but certainly every generation needs to discover their own words.  When you don't go through the effort of putting them to what you've become, you run a terrible risk of being defined by the things you never intended.  So even though I have rarely felt good at it, it feels like something I am required to do.  It helps to drive back the madness; when meanings are without words and adventure or peril without a story.
This is a weight I've tried shrug off my shoulders before.  I spent hours and weeks and minutes and months writing, shaping letters into words, into pages into chapters.  Then in one moment of frustration I undid and broke them all by deleting it.  The only mark it left was what the process left inside of me.  Which sadly wasn't enough, considering my efforts.  These things are too soon forgotten and I myself tried to forget them soonest, but it didn't calm what was demanding in me.  All things fade, but perhaps if we're lucky it will last long enough for people to find a way to rephrase the truth in their own words and keep it alive.
I expect when this is over and I've chronologically caught up to today, I am not likely to say, "that's it" but at the least "that's something."  Something is better than nothing...sometimes.  Time will tell if it is something worth having been said.  So here are my words and stories.  Maybe there's some of yours in here too.  I honestly don't know anymore if parts of them are untrue, I only know that in me they seem to be true.  So lets hope we get it right!